


The Broken Puppet and the Lonely Pierrot

by NeverInYourWildestDreams



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cute, stucky drabbles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverInYourWildestDreams/pseuds/NeverInYourWildestDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stucky drabbles.</p><p>Most are angst and sad because I can't write fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lost Tree

**Author's Note:**

> So every chapter of this fic is different from each other.  
> Some are canon, some are au's and some can be consider as ridiculous nonsense.  
> Different settings, different time lines.
> 
> The only constant thing here is Stucky.

“There was a tree here.”

Steve says as they stare at the building in front of them. The building is obviously old and there are noticeably cracks on the side. The base is also filled with moss. Surprisingly, there are still tenants living on the said building, Sam noticed, as he saw a mother carrying her child and another little girl wearing orange pyjamas in tow went outside of the main door few seconds ago. It’s unclean and the owner obviously doesn’t care about the safety of its tenants. This should be closed.

“A what?” Sam asked as he adjusts his cap. Man, it’s too hot today. He could use some ice cream. Perhaps Rocky Road or Strawberry? Whatever as long as it’s an ice cream, he’ll enjoy it.

“A tree. Probably an oak tree. There used to be a tree here in the exact place this building is erected.” Steve murmurs looking a little dismayed and disappointed that the tree he’s talking about is not there anymore.

“Man, it’s been seventy years. And this is New York. You know, I mean, don’t be surprised that the tree is not here anymore. I mean this place change a lot.” Sam tells as he put his hand on Steve’s shoulder to comfort him. This isn’t the first time it happens. Sometimes, they went or just cross a place where Steve will blurt out what happened there or who used to live there or something. Sometimes he’ll say with a smile suggesting it’s a happy memory. Sometimes it’s not, like the memory he recalled when they cross a street yesterday and Steve said that that was the place Mrs. Ross got robbed who apparently lived three blocks away from their home during 1930’s. Sam’s favourite are the places where Steve said that some guys beat him there because he was protecting something, ranging from small animals to kids to old ladies to disabled persons yet Steve is still smiling as if he’s proud that he got beaten a lot.

They are currently in Brooklyn, New York because they had a tip that some kid here saw a guy with a ‘cool metal hand’.

“I know. It’s just—I thought...It was silly. I’m sorry. Let’s go find some shade and eat something.” Steve mumbles as he obviously trying to dismiss the topic. The tree must be something important to him. Like it holds a very good memory that Steve wants to preserve in his mind and in his heart. Something that holds significance because Steve’s face really looks forlorn right now. He kinda looks like he wants to cry.

“Steve, man. I’m sorry. I know that tree must have hold a good memory. Have sentimental value. But you need not to worry, man, because even though that tree is gone, you still have your good memories with it.” Sam assures Steve as they walk towards the food shop at the corner of the street.

“So...your treat?”

 

\--

_“Wait up, Bucky! Give me a hand here..” Steve calls as he try to climb the tree._

_“Nope, Rogers. If your ma finds out that I help you climb a tree, she’s going to strangle me.” Bucky chuckles sitting comfortably and smugly on one of the branches of the tree as he watches Steve's unfruitful attempt to climb it._

_“Jerk. Come on, give me a hand here.” Steve repeats as he extends his hand and Bucky reaches it to help Steve haul himself. After a few seconds, Steve successfully manages to climb the tree and sits beside Bucky._

_It is nearly sun set and the tree is high enough to give them a good view of Brooklyn. It is truly beautiful. Majestic even. Certainly, breathtaking. They say it is their secret place even though they know that a lot of people know that there is a tree there. But still, the thought of having a secret place is kinda comforting. And the fact that they are together, two boys who trust and respect each other, who are always together be it during happiness and sufferings, who have each others backs, is truly unexplainable. It's precious._

_“I heard the war is getting worse.” Bucky starts as he continues to stare at the majestic horizon in front of them. “They said we’re losing a lot of soldiers so there might be people who might get drafted and join the war.”_

_“I mean, I don’t mind. Both our dads were soldiers and they died honourably because of our country. They are heroes. But if one of us becomes a soldier, or both of us, if we manage to return—“_

_“When we return—“ Steve corrects._

_“IF we manage to return,” Bucky insists ignoring Steve’s glare on him. “Let’s go back to this place, climb this tree and stare at this wonderful place again. What do you say, Steve?.”_

_It might sound silly to somebody but to them it's important. A promise to be kept._

_“We will, Buck. We will.” Steve said as he looks at the sunset. Holding Bucky’s hand. Squeezing it and let his hand spread warmth to Bucky’s._

_“I promise.”_


	2. The Ring Should Never Be Remembered

“Steve, did I own a ring?”

Steve stops arranging his clothes and ponders for a moment trying to remember if Bucky owned a ring.

“I don’t think so, Buck. You’re not fan of accessories ‘cause it was too expensive back then and besides it’ll get in the way when you’re working in the docks. Though Mrs. Elle at the flower shop insisted that you should bought yourself a necklace ‘cause you’ll look, and I quote, ‘ravishing my dear James, you know when you’re lifting those things in the docks, sweaty and not wearing a shirt and the necklace would dangle, dames would flock over you.’ unquote. Though, I disagree. More like you’ll get yourself choke on it and I don’t think you, chocking, would attract dames. ” Steve jokingly says cackling loudly as he continues to fold his clothes and put it in his drawer.

Bucky is currently living with Steve until Fury, Coulson and whatever important people say that he could manage on his own without “a person who can help him feel safe and to also introduce him to normal life”. In which, fortunately, Steve has been chosen to be that person.

This is a normal occurrence in their everyday life these past few weeks. Bucky would come inside Steve’s room to ask him about something. Sometimes, Bucky asks about a gap in his memory. Like his question yesterday when he remembered that he used to know the lyrics of Becca’s favourite song but he couldn’t remember what song. Sometimes, he’ll ask if what he just remembers really did happen. Like some sort of confirmation. Like his question today.

“You’re such a punk. Everything I put on my body would look awesome or ‘ravishing’ as Mrs. Elle used to say. Be it an accessory, or a tattoo or a piercing. Dames would kill to have some of this.” Bucky says as he flexes his flesh arm showing his bulging muscles. “I mean, I literally have a metal arm. Dames love metal arms.”

“Alright, jerk. Whatever will help you sleep at night.” Steve murmurs rolling his eyes at Bucky who is still flexing his muscles. He’s even trying to flex his metal arm which is ridiculous. All it did though, is to make that low whirring noise. “Stop that, Buck and let’s have some snack. I’m dying for a Burrito.”

Then they walk to the stand that serves the Burrito Steve really favour and Bucky dismisses the ‘ring memory’ because if Steve doesn’t know it then maybe it’s a false memory or perhaps a not so important memory, so he put the thought at the back of his mind and never brings it back again.

‘Cause it is not important.

 

\--

 

_It has been four weeks since Steve rescued them alone—which was really idiotic, dangerous and reckless of him but Bucky already gave him a five hour talk (read: screaming lecture) that ends with a hug so it's okay now—and Bucky is in an abandoned building staring at the wedding happening on a park across them through his binoculars. They have been following somebody who used to work for Zola for five years. And this guy is attending this wedding._

_“What’s wrong, Barnes? Anything weird happening there?” Dugan asks nudging his arm._

_“Nothing unusual. The target is just sitting there drinking and chatting with the woman beside him. I think he fancies her.”_

_Morita laughs._

_“Looks like our boy found his future wife in a wedding. How cliché.” Falsworth snickers at the back, guarding the door of the room they are currently in. Steve and the other members of Howling Commandoes are in a different building to surround the wedding venue._

_“You got a girl back there in Brooklyn, Barnes? I know you’re not married yet but I saw you two days ago fondling a ring. You gonna propose to her?” Dugan asks, taking the binoculars from Bucky, observing the target now currently dancing with the woman he's talking to earlier._

_“Nah, I don’t have a dame back home. Also I don’t think women wants to marry a guy constantly in war and have no assurance that he’ll come back alive.” Bucky answers putting his hand inside his pocket to fondle the ring there. He does this whenever he feels sad, stressed or when he misses...somebody. ”And I don’t think the one I like would marry me.”_

_“You sly monkey, so you do fancy someone? Who is it? Did we already meet her? Is she one of the USO girls? Can’t be Agent Carter though ‘cause Cap already fancies her and she seems to return the feelings. You know what I mean?” Dugan says flicking his eyebrow with a mischievous grin._

_At the same time, Bucky stops fondling the ring. Taking his hand out of his pocket and changes the topic by teasing Morita’s failure to woo the woman at the bar yesterday._

_Later that night, when they crossed a bridge, he threw the ring so far he wished he would never see it again...or even remember it._


	3. Promises are not made to be broken

When James Buchanan Barnes was fifteen years old, he promised himself that he’d never cry again.

His parents said that when he was toddler, he cried too much. Especially in the evening when his parents were asleep, he would cry so loud even the neighbours woke up from it to the point that they talked to his mother about the noise every night.

Bucky was really close to his mother. His father was always out of country because he was a soldier so he hadn’t spent so much quality time with Bucky unlike his mother who was always at home. Thus, according to him, his relationship with his mother was stronger than his fathers. He did not hate his father. It was just that he was always...not there. Which was not his fault, of course. But his mother, she was with him. She was always there. When Bucky’s sad, she’d make him happy. When he was scared, she’d hold his hand and promised him that she’d always be there to protect him so he didn’t need to be afraid. She was always smiling and faced everyday unafraid. She was his protector. She was strong. Even though Bucky knew that his mother was not that strong and happy. That it was just a facade. He discovered this the first time he heard his mother cried on her sleep. Calling his father’s name. That whenever she thought she was alone, she’d cry. She was scared but she’d never let Bucky see it. That was why Bucky loved her so much. He thought she was perfect, so he loved her and discovered that she was not, so he loved her even more.

Whenever he woke up in the morning, he would immediately go to his parent’s (mother’s) room and if he couldn’t find her there, he’d bawl.

When he went to school, that was where they see the problem. His mother had difficulty on urging him to stay in the school. Whenever he was in his class room, he’d always look at the door to see if his mother was still there. If she was not, he’d cry. It took a few days before his homeroom teacher made him understand on why his mother couldn’t stay in school. It took him almost two weeks before he could stop himself sniffling and crying every time his mother leaves.

When Rebecca was born, he cried too. Some of the adults present giggled at him ‘cause they thought that he cried due to jealousy of not being the only child anymore. When he was asked by his mother on why he was crying he said: “I’m so happy. I know that whenever you thought you’re alone, you cry. So everytime I went to school and you’ll go home alone, you’d cry. But you don’t have to cry anymore ‘cause she’ll be with you so you’re not going to be alone.”

His mother cried too.

When Rebecca was five years old. She found a puppy. It was filthy and one of its legs was broken. The first person he told about this was Bucky. Bucky told their mother about it. They went to a vet. The vet said that it was too late. That the puppy had a disease. That it was suffering. That it was dying. So the vet suggested that the dog should be euthanized and end its sufferings.

Both of them cried when they saw its body being buried.

His father died when he was 15 years old. His mother and Rebecca were crying. The sounds of grief and anguish echoed in the church every time they sobbed, sniffed and gasped.

Surprisingly, Bucky was not crying.

_“Dad is gone. There’s nobody who will anchor us anymore. I’m his oldest son so I had to fill the spot he left. If I cry too, then who’ll make them stop crying? I have to be strong for them. I have to be their anchor. I want them to know that even though Dad’s gone, I’m still here to give them strength and courage to continue living.”_

Since that day, Bucky refused to cry.

Even if he was hurting and real tired from the jobs he had to take for his family.

Even at the time the 107th was captured and all of them knew that they would die or worse experimented first before they kill them.

Even at the time he was tortured by Zola in Austria.

Even at the time he fell from the train.

Even at the time they cut off his arm.

Even at the time they tortured him again.

Even at the time they injected him with different chemicals he felt he was being skinned alive.

Even at the time he was trained so hard no normal human could survived.

Even at the time the first time he was ‘wiped’.

Even at the time he was put in a cryo.

He refused to cry.

 

Because he promised.

 

**_“So don’t cry anymore.”_ **

 

 

**_“You promised, right?”_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! New chapter!
> 
> Image not mine. florbe91.tumblr owns the image. I want to ask his/her permission but I have no tumblr so...sorry. But I just want you to know that you're amazing. If you want me to take down the image, I'd understand. I found the image at zerochan.net though.
> 
> This is an AU where Steve died. Maybe because Bucky killed him? or maybe this is the scene where (Spoiler alert!) Crossbones killed him which really does happen in the comics. (Spoiler ends!)


	4. One must not lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible spoiler?

Bucky Barnes is the best hide and seek player on their street.

If he’s the “it”, that’s fine ‘cause he searches for you like a normal kid. But if he’s the one you’re going to find then you’re shit out of luck ‘cause he hides in the most impossible places. Nobody could find him. So the “it” always has to say that he gives up so Bucky could show himself and be held as the winner.

That is until a blonde boy named Steve Rogers enters their circle of friends.

Steve always manages to find Bucky wherever he hides. To the point that their friends tease him that he has “Bucky Sensors”.

One day, a new market opens near them. Steve and Bucky accompany their mothers to see the new market. As expected, the place is crowded with people.  
They have to hurry because Steve shouldn’t be in too crowded places. Small spaces like this might trigger his asthma. So when Mrs. Rogers says that they have to leave first, Steve looks for Bucky to say goodbye but when they saw Mrs. Barnes talking to a police officer, nearly crying and in a verge of panic, Steve knew something happened to Bucky.

Mrs. Barnes apparently lost sight of his son when she’s checking the goods. One time he was there then when she turns around, he was gone. Bucky must have been dragged by the big crowd and got lost.

Mrs. Rogers talks to Bucky’s ma to comfort her but she continues to cry and blame herself.

“What should I do, Sarah?” she sobs to Sarah’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. The police will find him. And Bucky’s a brave and smart boy. Right, Steve?” Sarah says but when she turns around, Steve’s not beside her. He is walking away from them with determined eyes and a brave soul.

“Steve, where are you going?” her mom asks.

“Just stay there, ma. I’m going to find him. Just...just stay there, okay?”

Then off he goes. Skinny legs running and eyes searching for his lost bestfriend.

Almost half an hour later, he finds Bucky near the store which sells apples and plums. The store is at almost the end of the market.

He calls Bucky’s name and when he turns around and gives him a big warm smile, the pain and exhaustion that Steve’s feels vanish. Like Bucky’s smile is worth...everything.

“I knew you’ll find me, punk.”

\---

Bucky is thirteen years old when he and his mother have a misunderstanding. They exchange not so kind words that Bucky goes in his bedroom, put some of his clothes in his small school bag and slams their front door at his wake.

He doesn’t come back that night.

So when the morning comes, Rebecca, worried and unable to know what to do, goes to Steve’s house and seeks help from him.

Of course, when Steve heard the story he immediately went off to find Bucky. Rebecca insists to come and help him to find her brother. Fortunately, Steve manages to convince her that she must stay at their house in case Bucky comes home.

\---

 

Steve finds him alone in an old park swinging while watching the sunset. He sits on the other swing and talks to Bucky without looking at him.

“You know, Becca’s worried sick about you. He came to me and said that you and your ma had a fight. You left and didn’t come back. She was really worried. I should sock you for that.”

Bucky stops swinging and bows down his head, ashamed of what he has done.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to them.” Steve says and flashes him a bright smile.

 

\---

 

When they’re walking back home, Bucky asks him on how he always manages to find him.

“Well, I have ‘Bucky Sensors’, haven’t I?”

Bucky gives him a playful light punch on his shoulder.

“I’m serious, jerk.”

“I don’t know. It’s like there is something in me saying where should I find you. Like my feet are moving on its own. I don’t know. It’s weird. I can’t explain it.”

“That’s really weird.” Bucky agrees.

Steve hums.

“That’s fine though. Hella weird but I actually think that’s convenient. I feel safe and confident. That everytime I get lost, I don’t have to worry ‘cause you’ll find me.”

Steve stares at him and crooks a small smile

“Yeah, Buck. You don’t have to worry. I’ll always find you.”

“Yeah, sniffs me out like a dog.”

“Jerk.”

\--

Captain America is standing inside an apartment where Agent 13 says James Barnes currently occupies. It’s in Bucharest.

Steve notices a book at the top of the fridge and opens it. It has a picture of him and the pages of the said book are full of random numbers, dates, names and a lot are written in different languages. Some of the pages are obviously had been torn off. Some words are scratched once, twice and some are scratch off too much it’s impossible to read and the ink sinks down to the next page.

His mind says that he should stop reading it 'cause it's...personal. But Steve can't bring himself to stop especially when he read some familiar words. Words that makes his insides churn, Like how his heart aches when he recognizes some dates, places and names. Like the birth date of Bucky’s ma, the name of the market where he got lost, Rebecca, Sarah and Steve.

But what really makes his heart feel crushed are the words written on the last page. His head feels a little dizzy, his intestines feels like they twists and turn on their own and his heart feels really heavy. Like it shatters into a million pieces.

It’s painful.

Really painful.

 

\--

 

_I fell._  
_He said he’ll always find me so I waited._  
_And wait._  
_And wait._

 

 

 

_He lied._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol...Sorry. I read it again and I find out that the end doesn't make any sense so I fixed it. Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I accept Prompts.
> 
> Comment? Kudos? Subscribe? Read my other stories?


End file.
